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my other side once said to me that "it's better to fall into the hands of a murderer than into the dreams of a lustful woman." i acutely remember being over-obtuse with vulnerability. shaky ground has befallen trust, so i handed her this litmus and a request to end all involuntary bliss.. she was like so-so, almost, well; sort of, more or less halfway pretty. i guess it might have been neglect, an unfortunate vehicle birth? maybe allocated self-tarnishment. she was only half lifted, wings flapping when [staring into scabbed-over eyes] i thought of an afterthought: of wanting to share more than just one nightmare at a time. suddenly overcome with spells of: sleeping limbs and chainsaws. sex and blood splatter. vertigo from climax. even before i turned, half expecting the way black, i was malicious with dark. words